Make no mistake, the ability to create is life is one of the most impressive attributes humans carry. Those who have the ability would be wise to treat it with the utmost respect and concern. WIth that ability comes a tremendous amount of responsibility and it is a weight that a growing number of men (unfortunately) choose not to bear. The severity of that responsibility (or at least the perception) is actually why I'm writing these words.
I was born to a sharp father. He's a a self-admitted lover of responsibility and work (and fun, too). While we've never had any overt conversations about what it means to conceive, support, love, and guide children; his lessons in other areas have been truly remarkable. He's a wise guy, without the Italian mobster connotation. While I never followed all of his guidance, I've found that it rarely carries any inaccuracy. He's a needs first kind of gentlemen.
So, I've been preparing and I've also been self-aware. Two of my child-related fears were as clear as barroom mirrors: Can I provide a comfortable life for my children and how do you interact with these little people? So, years ago, before the engagement and the wedding were even a glimmer on the horizon I started quietly tucking away funds in a high-interest savings account for my future child's 529. I also took the time to mentor young boys in New Mexico and Montana who are growing up in fatherless households. Despite the broken bones, those are still some of the best memories I'll have.
I'm thankful for those experiences because before the wedding bells (or mariachi band) began to play, the onslaught of child-related questions began to flood my ears like rain from a Noreaster in Boston. At one point, the discussion was so prevalent between my partner and family I felt as if it was the only thing that mattered.
I'm just trying to get married here folks, not populate the Isle of Wight, I used to think to myself. Over time, I learned to moderate my thoughts and field the questions with ease. Courtney eventually began to settle and we agreed on some principle objectives before we attempt to conceive. For me, was like an LA native breathing the air in Banff, Alberta for the first time. Now, parenthood seems more like a team-oriented goal and less like a stud showing at the Belmont Stakes.
We're on a good course, but I can't help but wonder about the caution of waiting too long. I'm well aware that a great deal of women's health research shows correlation between a woman's age and ability to successfully conceive healthy offspring. However, a line of articles from Time made me wonder about a man's risk for some of the same age-related genetic concerns. Dr. Amy Tuteur's piece first broke the ice with her misleading title, "Do Men Really Have A Biological Clock" which was 80% focused on women's fertility rates at specific ages and why they should consider freezing eggs (sperm too, to keep it on-topic). Jeffrey Kluger fired back a week later with his To Old To Be A Dad take which was tremendously refreshing. Finally, I thought, someone finally gets it.
Even the number-crunching publication The Economist tossed a surprising take on the joys of fatherhood, stating:
Parents claimed more positive emotions and more meaning in their lives than non-parents, and a closer look revealed that it was fathers who most enjoyed these benefits. Moreover, further analysis revealed that this enhanced enjoyment came from activities which involved children rather than those (such as watching television alone, or cooking) that did not.
All of this reminded me that parenthood is at the core: a deeply personal decision. While science has shown a great deal of correlation between a variety of factors including age, health, genetic predisposition I've noticed that very few (if any) have shown causation between these factors. As it turns out, the decision to enter into realm of conception is one with life-altering implications - and benefits. With the majority of my fears put to bed, I find myself growing more and more excited at the opportunity to share life with my wonderful wife.
Posts
